hedgehog adventures

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Bliss is Overrated

When I was younger, I was madly in love with this guy whose presence made me giddy. I was living in Vancouver at the time, enjoying a beautiful summer and had not a care in the world. When things were great, they were REALLY, REALLY great, but when things were not, well...let's just say I crumbled.

In the end, the relationship failed for a number of tiny and big reasons but primarily because I finally accepted this:

- it is not possible to live in a constant state of bliss
- the price of bliss was the occasional bout of despair.

And when I say despair, I mean shattered spirit, crushed hope, curled-in-a-fetal-position-under-the-table-with-an-empty-whisky-bottle kind of despair. I loved the bliss but I couldn’t take the despair.
Follow your bliss and don’t be afraid, and doors will open where you didn’t know they were going to be.
~Joseph Campbell, mythologist/writer/lecturer

When Steve Jobs died in October, the world wept and his inspirational quotes flooded the interwebs. “Live each day like it was your last” in particular resonated with a lot of people. It reminded me a lot of Joseph Campbell’s “follow your bliss” message several years before.

But personally, I had a little difficulty with that message. Don’t get me wrong. I’d love to live life to the fullest and follow my bliss and all that, but I just could not wrap my mind around it on a practical level.

Take today, for example, if I had followed my bliss, I’m pretty sure it would NOT have involved clearing the crumbs from the breakfast table, loading the dishwasher and vacuuming cat hair. Nope.

My bliss du jour would have meant clearing a nice sunny spot on the couch, propping myself up with cushions, having tea nearby and cracking open my friend Caitlin’s latest novel (The Pattern Scars) and reading all day. (Actually, if I really wanted to follow my bliss, what I really meant was “poolside someplace tropical” when I said “couch,” “alcoholic beverage with tiny umbrella” instead of “tea,” and Ewan McGregor would be somewhere nearby ministering to my needs.*)

But I digress. I guess my point is this: how realistic is following your bliss when the day to day is so gosh-darned-complicated?

Bliss vs. Happy

I guess the point of this rambling is really to remind myself to be careful about the mantras I embrace. It is 2011 and yes, we have come a long way, baby, but there are things that have not changed. Things that are spoken as universal truths really only make sense from the perspective of a few -- often men, often privileged, often lighter skinned. We embrace it because it seems to make sense.

“Live each day as if it was your last” holds an intoxicating promise of fulfillment, but think about the price of that. What are you going to miss it if it's all about "you?" And honestly, who will take care of the kids?

So, with all due respect to Mr. Jobs and Mr. Campbell, thank you for these words but it’s not for me. I am foregoing the search for bliss and choosing instead to live a happy, full life. Happy works with my overlapping selves and my complicated woman’s life.

Happy means doing stuff for me but recognizing that as a mother, daughter, wife, sister, friend, I need to give a little, forgive a little, change plans a little. For this phase of my life, my family is my priority. I’m pretty sure there is a novel or a screenplay or other creative projects in me yet, but I honestly believe there will be time for that. I just want to enjoy what I have now.

I read somewhere that happiness only works when it is a consequence of living a life well and NOT when it is the primary object of pursuit. So in terms of goals, I think this is more achievable for me. Bliss vs. Happy? I'm choosing happy with the occasional hits of bliss.

~~

Newsflash:
Last night, just before he fell asleep, my son peppered me with loud, sleepy kisses in the dark and told me how much he loves me. If this has ever happened to you, you know exactly what I mean by bliss.

~~
*Sorry, hon. If you're reading this, you know I really meant "you" when I said "Ewan."

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